Part I of a detailed series reliving my experience of what it was like being an ESL teacher and an expat in Beijing, China.

At the end of 2007, I had no idea where I was going, but I knew I needed to get out. Have you ever been in that place before? Where everything is irritating, and everyone seems like they are willfully pushing your buttons?

I felt stuck and frustrated. All my friends seemed to be doing amazing things while I was sitting in a job I hated and living in a city I despised. I wanted to see the world again.

I got my first taste of the wanderlust during my time studying abroad in 2005-2006. I was daydreaming, with impeccable detail, about the places I'd been, and the experiences I would never forget.

All at once I had gotten so fed up with everything I just decided I was leaving. How did I choose? I decided to start with 'why.' Why would I want to go abroad? Adventure? Money? Love?

GOT IT! I wanted to learn another language. I have an affinity for learning languages, and I'd become fluent in French in just three months, so hey, why not pick up another language? But which one? Oh, it would have to be something that was important; something I could use to enhance my resume. GOT IT!

Mandarin, yeah Mandarin is a relevant language. I'll learn that! Cool, so I'm gonna go to China. Right, ummm, how the heck am I gonna go to China?! Okay, how do I do this? Where do I look? What am I doing? AHHHH!

That was my thought process - over and over - for about three months until I landed the job in Beijing. I had researched which city was best for learning Mandarin and where I'd have the best chances of finding a job. That was the extent of my research if I am honest. The fact that I didn't even know the Olympics were taking place in Beijing was only the beginning of the craziness that would ensue.

In the next several blog posts, I am going to talk about what it was like to live and work in China - specifically in Beijing.

It would be a disservice to you, the reader, if I tried to reduce the country with the world's largest population, and a land mass the size of the U.S., into one blog post.

Instead, I will try to unpack everything about Beijing, and what eight and a half years of living there taught me.

In this post, let's talk about the beginning: The Culture Shock.

March 5, 2008, I was on a plane headed to Beijing. I was to be met at the airport by a woman who had chosen the English name "Susan." She was administrative staff at my school. I had joined the website bjstuff.com (no longer around) before I'd left. It was a place where you could get to know people who were living in Beijing. Among several others on the site, I had met a fellow American named Brian, which was lucky for me.

As soon as I exited the plane, there was Brian like "Hey, Jenea!" I was not expecting him to be there but was so happy to see someone I knew straight off the flight. He'd shown up with these cute chopsticks as a welcome gift. We are still friends to this day. "Hey, Brian!"

Susan was late. VERY late. I can't recall how late she was, but I remember it being unreasonable. At least an hour. And I had no way of reaching her. I didn't bother getting a phone number because, as usual, I wasn't prepared. But I had Brian there as a welcomed distraction; otherwise, I would have been in an absolute panic.

When Susan finally showed up, her first words were neither "I'm Sorry I'm late" nor "How was your flight?" Her very first words to me were "You're fatter than I had imagined!" I didn't know how to take that, so I just said: "I'm sorry." I'd been on a long journey to get there, and I didn't have the energy to start unpacking what I had just heard.

Culture shock 1: The Staring

The first thing I had noticed straight away was all the stares I was getting. Everywhere I looked, people were staring. And not the sheepish kind of stares you get back home. You know, when you catch someone staring at you-you both blush and you both look away. Here, I experienced the opposite. I would find someone staring, blush, look elsewhere, look back and they were STILL STARING! But they weren't smiling; they were looking at me with a cold, stoic death stare.

Okay, I'm a black woman. At that time I had braids. These were two very novel things in Beijing, apparently. I remember, with striking vividness, walking down the street with Susan and seeing an older woman on her bike with brooms and other tools. This woman had come to an almost halt while trying to take me in; so much so that she fell off her bike. And Susan ignored it! How do you ignore an older person falling off their bike in front of you???

I went to help her and Susan jerked me back. "Don't mind," she said sharply, with a death grip on my arm. I didn't understand that phrase either. What does "Don't mind" mean? Why shouldn't we have helped that lady?

Culture Shock 2: The Personal Space

Let's be clear, in a city with 20-25+ MILLION people, I wouldn't expect to be able to turn cartwheels in public, but I certainly wasn't expecting what I got. As an American, from a small town, there are unspoken rules about your bubble. Even when it's crowded, try your best to stay out of that zone.

In China, there is no such thing. Wherever you go, someone is right behind you; and beside you; and in front of you. And you're *barely* not touching. It's like a never-ending session of Reiki. Sometimes that works to your advantage. Like if you're on a crowded train and you're exhausted. You can literally fall asleep standing up. I've done it. Several times.

Most times, it can be quite obnoxious. Like when you go see a doctor in a public hospital, and several people burst into the room while you're in consultation. Or even worse, as you're mid pap smear (yes, that has also happened).

If you stand out, people also like to touch you. A lot. For me, it was the hair. Always the hair. Sometimes the skin. I would be on the metro, and some old ladies would start grabbing at my hair wondering what in the heck kind of witchcraft was on my head.

I had one guy come up to me as I was waiting for a cab. He grabbed a chunk of my upper arm and shouted "Niú ròu," which means beef. Then he gave me the thumbs up sign.

Culture Shock 3: The Organized Chaos

Remember that lady from earlier in the post? You know, the one who fell off her bike and we pretended like it didn't happen? Well, that's just sort of what you do when you see something like that happen; at least while I lived there.

There was a very famous story that Chinese people used to tell me about a boy who helped an old lady.

This young boy (perhaps in his early twenties) saw an old woman get knocked over by a car that sped off. He rushed over to her and offered to drive her to the hospital. Once at the hospital, her story changed. She began telling the doctors that the boy was the culprit. She did this so that he would pay her medical bills. When he told the doctors the truth about what happened, they didn't believe him. They kept saying "Why would anyone go out of their way to bring someone they don't know to the hospital?"

This story, in various iterations, made its rounds over and over throughout the time I was in China. It served as a reminder to ignore the atrocities around you for fear of getting caught in a scandal. Thousands of avoidable situations like this happen every day in China. In 2017, the Beijing government finally started to draft Good Samaritan laws, but change takes time.

If you see a commotion in public in the States, the instinctual thing to do is help. In China, people will say "It's none of my business." and march on.

Culture Shock 4: The Driving

I will dedicate an entire post to driving in China, but for now I will say this: run for the hills!

If you've never been anywhere in Asia, you will have about four heart attacks in one minute your first time in China. I don't know how to describe the way people drive other than "Get in where you fit in." Literally. Cars, buses, people, bikes, ghosts - everyone is looking for space on the road.

There's something unique about Chinese drivers, especially cab drivers. They like to break. Hard. Also, people will do anything to get an inch ahead of the next person. That includes driving where pedestrians walk, turning left from a far right lane, and many other daring moves.

If you don't have the stomach for nutty drivers, there's always the expansive network of subway lines.

Culture Shock 5: The toilets, and by extension, the split pants

Luckily, I confronted squatty potties long before moving to Beijing. In fact, I encountered quite a few in France. But many of my American friends hadn't, and a lot my girlfriends refused to use the restroom while they were out, for fear of wetting themselves if they did.

Squat toilets are the norm in Beijing and China. Most find it more hygienic (it is, especially with the number of people those toilets regularly see), and generally more comfortable.

The smells in public toilets can get to you, though. Since most places don't allow you to toss your toilet paper down the toilet, you have a combination of pee tissue and pee splatter battling for space in your nostril cavity.

Pro tip: always carry a small pack of tissues. You can rarely find toilet paper in public toilets.

Oh yes, lest we not forget the assless pants. There are still a lot of traditional families who believe that children who wear diapers either don't learn to relieve themselves properly or take too long to learn. These families dress their toddlers in clothes with a big slit down the bum and up the front. This allows them to pee and poo freely. Honestly, I have never worked out how it helps them potty train faster.

I cannot count how many times I've seen a parent holding their child, only to have pee roll down their shirts. Or even worse, pee roll down the subway cart to your feet. That's awesome.

My friend recently visited Beijing and posted a photo of a sort of poop bag across the backside, which I find socially responsible! Before, they'd just let them do it on the sidewalk and keep going as if nothing happened.

Culture Shock 6: Mannerisms

Eating

Sluuuuuurp. Sluuuuurp sluuuuurp sluuuuuuuuuurp. . . . . . *burp*

Eating in public can be quite hilarious or maddening, depending on your propensity to detest sounds whilst you eat. Slurping and burping are a sign that the food was excellent, a sort of homage to the chef. So when you're eating - especially in a local restaurant - you'll hear a lot of this. Loud chewing and talking with one's mouth full are also quite common.

Fun fact: It's entirely impolite to pick your teeth (you should cover your mouth, then pick them) or blow your nose at the table.

Sharing food

Lazy Susans are the business in China. Spin that sucker round and round!

I'm all about sharing food these days, but when I first moved to China, it turned me off. Everyone digging in the same plate with their chopsticks - ew! But I got used to it, and after a while really enjoyed it. You get to taste a bit of everything!

Also beware when you go out with Chinese people, one person orders for everyone. That might be why the waiter or waitress tends to give only one menu per table.

It was shocking when I first moved there, ya know, to have to ask for menus for everyone at the table only to be told there weren't enough for all of us!

Greetings

Things may be different with the younger Chinese these days, but when I got to know a few Chinese people, and we'd meet up, I would always go in for a hug, and they'd go stiff! No hugs, no kisses, just a wave. That was so embarrassing! I was very American, and I liked hugging. But they didn't.

Dead fish handshakes were also very common. I'd go in for a handshake (again, another form of touching they don't like I guess!) and get either a queen hand (do I kiss the ring?) or a sweaty, dead fish. Like nine times out of ten. I just stopped reaching out for handshakes after a while.

Nervous laughter

This one here can really wind you up if you're not prepared. If something has gone very wrong, and you try to sort it out, often you will be met with nervous laughter. And it's not the kind of nervous laughter that you're used to. It's the kind that makes you feel judged, or even worse, belittled. This clip pretty much sums it up.

Try not to take it personally, or you'll go mad. It took me a while to figure this out.

Talking About Money

I can say that 99% of the time I got into a cab, I was asked the following questions in this order:

Where are you from? 
How much money do you make?

Talking about how much you make in China is not as taboo as it is in other parts of the world. If someone asks and you don't want to discuss it, politely decline to share that information.

I used to become indignant and wonder why anyone who didn't know you would ask such a personal question. After a while, I would say I made 20 cents an hour, and they understood I didn't want to talk about it.

Remember: different culture, different rules.

Culture Shock 7: The Unwarranted Observations or Advice

I can't tell you how many times I was told the following while living in China:

- You're too fat. You should lose weight.
- You're too old. When are you going to get married? (I was 24, 25, 26, and after that, they just thought I was sad, ha!)
- Have you had plastic surgery? No? Well, your face doesn't match your body.
- Where are you really from? I mean, where are your parents from? They can't be Americans. Americans aren't black!

You can't be a sensitive soul if you're thinking of moving to China. They are not the kinds of people who sugarcoat obvious things. If you're fat, they'll tell you-you're fat. If you're not that attractive, they will tell you your looks are mediocre. 

As an American, this was difficult. I find Americans, in particular, are quite sensitive to harsh labels and we tend to overcompensate for the sake of not hurting someone else's feelings. 

It's all in how you look at it. I found those comments (most, not all) helped me form a thicker skin. Something I desperately needed. You might find those sorts of comments rude and unbearable. But be prepared: at some point, someone will say something that your culture would most certainly deem impolite. It is up to you how you'll react.

Culture Shock 8: The Language

Look out world! Mandarin is like nothing you've ever heard (unless you're Korean or Japanese), which is why it is often referred to as one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn. 

When I moved to Beijing in 2008, almost no one in the service industry spoke English. Taxi drivers, waiters, sales associates - no one knew how to speak English! It made life very, very difficult.

Doing small tasks like paying a bill or buying detergent was a ballache. I'm not joking. I washed my clothes in fabric softener for six months before I figured out why my clothes weren't getting clean! 

When I left in 2016, things had gotten a little more comfortable. You could pay your bills through the WeChat app, and services akin to Uber meant you didn't necessarily need to speak to the cab driver (although, they still always call and ask for your location for some reason).

It's a lot easier as an expat now, with all of these tech helpers at your disposal (Google Translate would have been helpful back in the day!) 

While we're on the topic of language, bear in mind the level with which Chinese speakers converse can also be quite shocking. A lot of newbies tend to point out that it sounds like everyone is angry.

You'll likely find that people can be unusually loud while on their cell phones. These are often people from an older generation or folks from the countryside. You'll get used to all of it after a while, and it'll start to be funny.

The northeastern Chinese accent is a lot more aggressive than other parts of the country and can be a bit intimidating. I like to frame it as a New Yorker versus a Texan.

Culture shock is real and riveting upon first moving to China. There is so much to take in because, let's face it, there's nowhere else like it on the planet. One thing that helped me get over the agonizing differences was to remember that I moved there to experience something completely different to what I was used to - and I got it. I would be remiss if I told you it was easy. Living and working in China was not and is not easy. But that's sort of what I loved and loathed about it.

This article, and the ones that will follow, are not meant to deter you from possibly teaching in China; instead, it aims to shed light some of the things you may encounter once you're there. Every single country has its set of challenges. These are my experiences. Yours may be different. The big takeaway? You won't know unless you try.

Ready to start teaching abroad?

Download my Ultimate Toolkit for Teaching English Abroad. It has all the resources you need to get started.